Part I
Introduction
Audience:
| The guide is intended for
perfectly normal women and men involved in a loving
relationship . Couples interested in this lifestyle
are in most cases married, but some are unmarried and
involved in a serious long-term relationship. In
this fantasy, the woman is encouraged to engage in sexual
play with another partner. These adventures may be
limited to cyber-flirtation or exhibitionism, or much
more. This guide is
primarily written for beginners, mature in their views of
sexuality, who are considering this next step. It
also includes alternatives for those couples who don't
feel comfortable making the fantasy a reality at this
time.
You'll see that a
sensible GO SLOW approach is suggested. Why?
Because it allows the couple to maintain a sense of
control as they explore their own deepest desires and
those of their partners. In addition, it provides
the opportunity to stop at any time if either partner
feels uncomfortable.
Before we begin...
An important clarification must
be made. This is not swinging. It is not
"open marriage" which is simply another word
for swinging. The author neither condones or
supports the swinging lifestyle. Bringing the MFM
or shared wife fantasies to life does not lead to
swinging - at least not for me or anyone that has a
sincere interest in this fantasy. Please look
elsewhere if that is your interest. |
| One of the most common questions on relationship bulletin boards or chat rooms that pertain to shared wife discussions is "Should we make this fantasy a reality?" or "How do we proceed?" or "How can I talk with my partner about my fantasy?". Many of these questions have no simple answer. Quite a number of the responses provided by fellow members in a discussion site such as The Hot Wife Forum , the Our Wives Forum are lacking in details, are simple come-ons or too risky for many. My goal is to present a common sense, approach with a few of do's and don'ts that will work for everyday couples. |
| The terms "Hot Wife" and "Shared Wife" have similar meanings in the context of sexual relationships. Male-Female-Male (MFM) relationships is also used. The "hot" designation is by far the most popular. A few women that I have great respect for, object to the term "Hot Wife" for a couple of reasons. First, they may not be married and second, they don't perceive themselves to be any more "hot" than other women and prefer the alternate terms instead. For these reasons I will refrain from using the "hot" designation. |
It is important to first
explore what it is before we discuss how to arrange
it. ;-) First a succinct definition:
MFM sexual experimentation may take several forms from rather benign flirtation to exhibitionism. These moderately erotic sexual activities are discussed in a later chapter. The bulk of this guide refers to a relationship that eventually leads to physical sex.A trusting relationship where a couple supports and encourages the women's sexual experimentation with another male partner, but maintains a strong emotional bond with one another. It is often said that this fantasy taps into the way men and women are wired. What is the driving force behind this desire for the man? For the women? Is It normal? Read on. |
| Changing gender roles in
society make available more opportunities than ever
before for women to pursue sexual relationships that
transcend traditional boundaries. Women can
now freely challenge repressive norms which have limited
their options in the past to have more partners, while
practically rewarding men to do the same. What's
more, they will find support and even encouragement from
their mates in the context of marriage or a serious
long-term relationship. To
consider an MFM experience, whether is it serious
flirtation or much more, provides a new dimension in
sexuality. For mature couples, it can be both positive
and mutually satisfying, with a little planning and
forethought. The feeling of sexual power and
confidence, by enticing two males into bed can be a huge
turn on. As a rule, women are capable of outlasting
any one man, and with a second partner she may be able to
reach a previously unobtainable sexual high. The
result is more often than not "memorable sex"
that you both think fondly of and recall from time to
time. Of course, any major change in our sex lives can be cause for concern. It is with a certain amount of fear that most women begin their sex life or try a sex toy with their partner for the first time. But with each chance taken, new pleasures are often realized. All couples have initial feelings of intrepedation with MFM encounters, but those anxious moments fade away and are replaced by sexual joy. SUGGESTED LITERATURE For more information on women's sexuality, I would suggest any of the following:
|
MEN'S
MOTIVATION
The desire for a man to see
his partner sexually experimenting with another is an
"awakening" for him as his sexuality
matures. This common fantasy comes about,
perhaps unexpectedly, for many men and women as they
age. Young men in their teens and early
twenties do not typically have this desire. It
seems to develop after a decade or two of sexual
experience and can be a source of unbridled
eroticism. There are a variety of reasons men may encourage their wives to sexually engage other men. If you're looking for a simple explanation, I have none to offer but I might suggest you read "Brain Sex, (Moir & Jessel, 1993)" or Sex on the Brain : The Biological Differences Between Men and Women (Blum, 1998) which contains bits and pieces of what makes men and women tick. There have been recent television specials on the Discovery channel such as "Brain Sex" that offer additional clues.
His desire to encourage his partner to explore sex with another man is driven by many complex and intertwined reasons that even he may have difficulty verbalizing. The more common themes are explored here:
- Unconditional love
- Reliving past sex
- New sex
- Pure lust sex
- Competition with other males
- Cum fantasy
- Sexual Control
- Husband humiliation
- Wife humiliation
Unconditional Love: In a trusting and loving relationship the man encourages her to have a pleasurable erotic sexual experience with another partner. He knows she will enjoy it immensely if she has his support. He may feel that she was cheated out of sexual experimentation that he engaged in as a young man prior to the current relationship. Essentially, it is an act of love, where he gives her something very special.
Reliving past sex: Most couples at some point explore her past sexual relationships through fantasy. She finds that her sexual history is a powerful source of eroticism for him. Many men discover their own desire for a shared wife experience in this manner.
New Sex: Sex with a new partner is often very highly charged and perhaps biological in nature. For nearly all couples, it is fondly remembered. Bringing another man into your relationship can result in a similar level of intensity that you experienced when you first shared one another - maybe greater. :-) A woman who has been in a long term monogamous relationship will often behave as if she has been starved for sex when a new partner begins to engage in adult play with her. For a man, most of whom are very visual, the site of another male playing with his partner may cause uncontrollable arousal. The many "shared wife with another man" pictures posted on the web and related stories are strong evidence of this common and perfectly normal fantasy. Check out the Toy Box (couples section) or the many forums on this topic on Yahoo or Excite.
Pure lust sex: The sex a couple has over the years can be wild and passionate, but it is not exactly the same as the kind of sex she would have with someone she is not emotionally involved with. Pure lust sex has a different dimension. He wants to see that "desire for a stud" look in her eyes, driven by female hormones and animal instinct.
Competition: Male competition allows him to measure his ability to stimulate his mate against another male. A darker side of this fantasy is impregnation competition. Men are evolutionary designed for this as a penis is shaped to pull out the semen of another and replace it with his own. I do not promote or condone impregnation. Another area of competition is penis size. More on that later.
Cum fantasy: As part of nearly all pair bonding relationships in the mammal world, males want sole access to their mate's sexual zones, and specifically for the deposition of semen. This is a sacred right for any couple. Placing Sexually Transmitted Diseases aside for a moment, the idea of another male given this same access and opportunity may be very erotic for him. The sight, smell or feel of another man's cum in her mouth or vagina is taboo and also an erotic fantasy.
Husband humiliation: This one I can not relate to personally. It seems that some men want their partner to exhibit control over them, choosing to deny them sexual satisfaction by finding another sexual source. This is known as cuckolding and not explored in this guide.
Wife humiliation: Another one I don't relate to personally. Some men like the feeling of power they have ordering their partner to submit to sex with another man.
I'm sure
there are other motivations, but the group listed
here represent the mainstream reasons men suggest to
their partners to engage in sex with another
man. If the male readers can relate to any or
all of the above, you are perfectly normal as
millions of other guys have these same fantasies.
WOMEN'S
MOTIVATIONSome women have a reoccurring MFM
fantasy. Others have not given it much
thought until asked about it. Perhaps you have
been directed here by your mate to learn more?
Woman reading this who have
not explored the topic of sexual play another man
should try bringing the subject up some time when
your partner is aroused. You may be pleasantly
surprised by the result. :-) For those of
you trying to understand why he wants to pursue this
and what it would be like, I hope this will help you
make an informed decision. In the right circumstances, I've asked women what motivated them to seek sex outside of their relationship and this is what they've shared:
- "New sex" pleasures
- Pleasing her partner
- Guilt free lustful sex
- Sex with a more desirable partner
- Being ravished
- Need to validate her desirability
- Fulfilling missed sexual experiences
- Unconditional belonging
- Enjoying sex similar to that before being married
- Being with more than one man at a time
"New sex" pleasures: For men and women, sex with a new partner is in most cases very erotic. It is likely she will have one of the most memorable sexual experiences in her life. Pleasing her partner: Through the exploration of relationships with her previous lovers, she learns of his desire for her to engage in sexual play with a new partner. She finds he is seriously turned on by the thought of this fantasy and finds his lustfulness associated with this topic equally arousing. He wants to bring this fantasy to life more than anything and by granting his wish, she gives him something very special.
Guilt free lustful sex: Sex without the emotional baggage of a relationship can feel more heightened for her. It can be a liberating experience for those women who have not yet tried it. In an MFM adult play situation, she can concentrate totally on her pleasure, her desire and her needs.
Sex with a more desirable partner: No one man can satisfy a woman's erotic desires in every way. In an MFM experience, she has the opportunity to select a mate that is different than her current lover. He could be younger or maybe leaner or maybe from another part of the world. If she has always had the hots for a guy with lots of muscles, this is her opportunity.
Being ravished: The thought of a man she hardly knows seeing her naked, aroused and unable to resist his advances is a female fantasy. Her new partner is full of desire for her and is allowed to touch her everywhere and "take" her.
Need to validate her desirability: Some women need to know they are attractive and viewed as sensual. No experience will validate her desirability more than attracting another partner for sexual play. It can be a ego boost for her, especially if she has been having doubts about her ability to attract others. Ask any 50 year old women if she feels more attractive after a shared wife experience with a younger stud and you'll get an affirmative response.
Fulfilling missed sexual experiences: She's lived an overly conservative life and now realizes she has missed out on the opportunity to sample sex with other men. Now is her chance to experience a variety of partners.
Unconditional belonging: A deep sense of bonding where she feels owned by her partner. This occurs when the husband/boyfriend, after making sure she is completely ready, invites another man to have her. She is "his woman" and is given away. Some couples experience a very strong emotional attachment as they look at one another while a new partner is intimately engaged with her.
Enjoying sex similar to that before being married: Perhaps she longs again for that freedom she had to sleep with whomever she wished. (editorial note: Most men can relate with this).
Being with more than one man at a time: It is not just guys who have the fantasy of being with two members of the opposite sex at once. Some women find it arousing.
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